The Monster in Me
by RalynnFrost
Summary: Elena will get through her transition to being a vampire with a little help from her friends. Dalena.
1. I Heard Your Heart Beating

**The Monster in Me**

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**1**

**I Heard Your Heart Beating**

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"_Everything is intensified as a vampire. When we hurt, we really hurt. But when we love…" _**- Lexi**

"I love you." Those were the first words that she heard when she woke from death. Her world was spinning; an upside down and inside out chaotic mess of smells and sounds and sensations that she couldn't explain. But it was the voice at her ear and inside her own head endlessly repeating the words, "I love you", which confused her the most. If only because she always thought that it would be Stefan, but it was Damon's name on the tip of her tongue.

Even as she opened her eyes to see that it was Stefan at her side, loyally perched on the edge of a table like the most sorrowful harbinger of death imaginable, it was somehow Damon that she was really looking at. Elena could feel the warmth of his hands as he palmed the sides of her face. Her heart raced with the intensity of his gaze bearing down on her. He was so sad, so lost; the flames of devotion burning beneath the surface made her heart break as his did. "I just have to say it once," he whispered. "You just need to hear it. I love you, Elena." Where was he?

Stefan helped her to a sitting position and took her into his arms, smoothing her hair away from her face and whispering calming reassurances in the darkness. "I know you didn't want this, but it's going to be okay." What was it that she didn't want? Why was it going to be okay? She remembered… She remembered being with Matt. They were in his truck, driving. They were on their way to Stefan, but why Stefan?

Because it was the end and she needed to say goodbye. Klaus - Klaus was dead and Tyler and all the vampires were going to die. Obviously that hadn't happened. Unless they _were_ dead and she was dead with them. The memory of being trapped in the darkness rushed back to her with the force of the freezing cold water that poured down her throat and thrust upwards into her nostrils.

It burned more than she thought it would – drowning. Her veins were turning to ice, her flesh numb with the cold, but inside she felt like she was on fire. She had watched Stefan drag Matt free from the wreckage while her lungs screamed bloody murder for oxygen. And then it was gone. The pins and stabbing needles were replaced with dull, fuzzy peace as her head stopped swimming quite so much. The darkness had pulled her downwards into accepting arms.

Elena always thought that she would be going somewhere after the end came for her. She had expected her life to flash before her eyes, or to see some bright white light beckoning to her to come home. Instead, she had found a hospital morgue. She had only closed her eyes for a second. Just for a second. How had she gotten there? What was that smell making her stomach grumble? When was the last time that she had eaten? Why did it feel so bright when all the lights were off and the room was clearly dark?

Stefan was still talking to her, holding her close. His scent was comforting in the confusion, but his words weren't making any sense. There were so many thoughts muddling their way around her mind that she couldn't think straight. And there was that smell again. Where was it coming from? What was it that could be so mouthwateringly delicious, so painfully appetizing that she couldn't get her brain past it?

And then there was yelling echoing back to her from somewhere outside, each tone slightly distorted by the reverberation of bouncing off of hard tile walls and being funneled down a hall. "Where is she? Where is she?" the voice demanded. He was so sad and lost again, but even more upset than she could ever remember having heard him before. "You did what?" He was angry then, but why?

She could smell him too. His scent was faint but growing stronger as agitated footsteps thundered across the floor like the march of a thousand bass percussionists. Something metallic clattered from being knocked over or tossed, spun around into a _whoop-whooping_ sound of disturbed airwaves, and then clapped on the floor towards stillness. Was he always that loud?

"God, I wish you didn't have to forget this." The low rumble in his chest vibrated against her ribs as he looked down on her. A pained tear escaped one of his stormy blues to roll over the barrier of thick, dark lashes and stream down a pale cheek. "But you do."

How could anyone look at another person that way without shattering into a million pieces? How could anyone love so recklessly, and burn with such an all-consuming desire without conflagrating themselves and the very ground they walked upon?

She had thought that Damon Salvatore's looks should have the power to kill before, but it was never truer than when he exploded into the room with another clap of roiling thunder as the door cracked against the wall, his foot hovering in the air for a second from kicking the obstruction out of his way. The door crashed into the wall so hard that the force of impact made it bounce back to a close, jamming in the frame where the wood had splintered. A burst of vampire speed carried him to her side long before the second sound wave beat its way down her sensitive ears, or the plaster splatted onto the floor from the irregular semicircle of doorknob damage on the wall.

Elena had known real passion with Stefan. There was no denying that. But he was never as beautifully masochistic as the elder Salvatore brother. Damon made a broken heart look like the envy of the Sistine Chapel's ceiling and any other master work of art that Michelangelo could have ever dreamt of.

His hands danced around in the air for a moment, helpless to figure out what they were supposed to be doing. His bottom lip trembled slightly just as equally frustrated with the lack of words that could accurately describe the feelings boiling within for what had happened. He didn't try to take her from his brother's arms however much every movement he made and every breath he took shrieked aloud that he wished he could. In the end, he simply sat down on the autopsy table beside them and rested a shaking hand on Stefan's shoulder, a withdrawn sigh puffing from between his lips.

Dirt, sweat, blood – his own, hints of Alaric's aftershave, and something inexplicably Damon swirled around in her nose alongside the mud and water on Stefan and hospital antiseptics. His eyes flickered up from his knees to meet hers and it was like his deathbed confession all over again. Those stormy blues were little soldiers, beaten down and broken, but defiantly carrying their splinters of armor to the bitter end. Never willing to claim defeat. "It's going to be okay," he whispered, finding resolve. _Because I love you_, his eyes said. Elena forced herself to look away, dropping her head down onto Stefan's protective chest. He moved mountains with his silence.

A cell phone chirped in the stillness of mourning. Stefan didn't want to let go of her so Damon reached to answer the call for him. "It's Jeremy," he mumbled, looking at the name that flashed across the ID. "He knows."

Jeremy, she thought with a sudden pang of worry ripping through her gut. She had forgotten all about Jeremy. Where was her brother? Was he alright? What had happened to him? What did he know? The racing thoughts returned, that time focused on her brother. Elena was all that he had left, and he needed her to take care of him. "I need to see him," she croaked. For someone that had just been a drowning victim, she hadn't expected her throat to be so dry.

"Call him back," Stefan muttered in agreement.

"We're going to need him to invite us in," Damon said in a decidedly grim tone. She wondered what he meant by that as they started to move. Both of the brothers practically had the run of her house. They hadn't needed an invitation for ages.

"Elena, I need you to look at me." Stefan took her face gently in his hands, locking their eyes so that he held all of her attention. "We're going to get you home to Jeremy, but I need you to stay focused. Whatever you see or… _smell_, just keep your eyes on me, alright?" She nodded her agreement and held tight around his neck when he lifted her into his arms. He frowned slightly at exactly _how_ tightly she had gripped him and flexed his shoulders uncomfortably, but didn't say anything to correct her. Stefan had carried her around like a china doll a thousand times and it had never bothered him before so she didn't understand why it had started to then.

Damon gave the morgue door a tug to open it. The space between his eyebrows crinkled as one of them rose slightly in irritation. He pulled harder and the wood cracked some more being freed from the jam only to creak angrily as he jerked the entire door off its hinges. He shrugged at his brother in his very Damon way when Stefan shot him a cross look for being less than inconspicuous. He poked his head out into the hallway, looking down one half of the corridor and then the other before disappearing from view. "Get lost," she heard him tell someone off in the distance; compelling them to leave their station no doubt. And then he reappeared at the open doorway in a blur. "We're clear. Let's get her out of here."

Elena kept her eyes on Stefan as she had promised she would though it was incredibly tempting to disobey. He was mostly focused on where he was going but his dark, brooding eyes glanced down at her regularly to check on her status. Bright lights flashed overhead only to disappear again, thumps and thuds and pits and pats filled the dark night air, and there was the smell again. Scrumptious and alluring in various flavors and textures but without a name. Her eyes strayed from Stefan's. It was an accident she told herself. But where they landed wasn't.

Damon was running beside them as close to her side as he could be without crowding his brother given their circumstances. The breeze ruffled his permanently disheveled hair as his lean body whipped through the night. He was a blur of constant motion at vampire speed, but at the same time she could seem him perfectly. "Maybe if I had met you first," she had told him. But she _had_ met him first. Her own words made no sense to her.

"_You want what everybody wants."_

"_What? A mysterious stranger who has all the answers?"_

He had given a stunted little laugh as if he weren't used to people challenging him. _"Well, let's just say that I've been around a long time. I've learned a few things."_

"_So, Damon, tell me. What is it that I want?"_

"_You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and even a little danger."_ _Even then_, she thought, he had been thinking about them together. It was her question though that apparently sealed the deal.

"_So what do _you_ want?"_ That wasn't supposed to be a stumper, but he still fumbled because no one had ever asked him what it was that _he_ wanted before, or at least none had genuinely cared about his answer.

"_I want you to get everything you're looking for."_ _Because I love you_, his eyes told her again as they ran. For the second time since waking, Elena had to forcefully will her gaze away from him and she buried her face into Stefan's chest until she heard the familiar hollow thudding of their steps on her porch. Relief flooded through her at the thought of being home.

Damon's knuckles wrapped on the hardwood door insistently and Stefan let her slide free from his hold but kept a careful hand locked on hers. Why was he knocking? It was _her_ house. All she wanted was to be inside where it was safe, to make sure that her brother was alright, and to crash face first into her comfy bed after one of the longest days that she could ever remember. He had to know that her head was already pounding; did he keep making that awful knocking racket just to annoy her? What was taking so long?

She picked up on a subtle _thump-thumping_ sound moving around inside the house in time with urgent long strides. Jeremy answered the door with wide eyes, unshed tears lining the brims and threatening to spill over. "Elena, thank God!" he rejoiced, almost lunging forward to hug her. "I thought – I saw Ric, and –" He couldn't get all of his words across either.

The _thump-thumping_ grew louder in her ears until it reached an intolerable level. _Whoosh-whoosh_, _thump-thump-whoosh_. Jeremy shouldn't have been allowed to smell so good to her. It was a little perverse really, how much she was enjoying being so close to him. His scent was different from Stefan's and Damon's, more concentrated somehow, sharper, poignant. _Whoosh-whoosh, thump-whoosh-thump_. Her nose was right on his neck because he was so much taller and it was like having a cheeseburger tease her. The biggest, juiciest, most succulent all-beef patty, double bacon cheeseburger that had ever been crafted by man, flavored with unique herbs and spices. God she was ravenous! The pit of her stomach growled and clenched, starving. When was the last time she had anything to eat? Taking a tiny nibble was oh, so tempting. Just a little bite wouldn't hurt.

Both Stefan and Damon reached out to steal her away from Jeremy with lightning speed as her lips spread and the tip of a fang skimmed over the top of an easily flowing artery in her brother's neck. He was angry with them at first, not understanding why they had jerked his sister away so roughly, but after a few blinks and a squint into the darkness, awful awareness dawned on him. She looked like Elena, spoke like her, moved like her, but her face had changed into something more terrifying. Red and purplish veins squirmed about the hollows of her eyes like they had taken on a life of their own, and her flushed lips were parted just enough to expose the points of two unnaturally elongated canines. She was leaning forward while in the grasp of the Salvatore brothers, towards him, taking in deep inhalations and seemingly ignorant of what she was doing.

"Katherine?" he asked with a glimmer of dark hope which was dashed when Damon hesitated and Stefan's frown fell even farther. Stefan quietly shook his head no.

Elena watched the first tear spill to the porch in slow motion. Jeremy's face scrunched up painfully, his lips drawing tight over his teeth in a fearsome expression of anguish. She wanted to reach out to comfort him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. She had survived. They had all made it out of the fight alive and they were going to carve out new lives for themselves, carrying on in the face of tragedy as they always did. She wanted to wrap him up in her arms and say that he didn't have to be so sad. But the grip that the brothers held on her arms stuck tight. She wasn't going anywhere without them.

"She didn't want this!" Jeremy screamed into the darkness. "She never wanted to be a vampire! What did you do to her? Why?"

"Maybe this was a bad idea," Stefan spoke morosely.

"You think?" Damon snapped back at him.

Vampire? Elena traced the tip of her tongue over the front row of her teeth. Sure enough, a needlelike pinprick jabbed her tongue from the end of a tooth that felt sharpened to a razor's point. The bitter, irony tang of blood tainted her mouth, tasting so much sweeter than it had a right to. Almost sugar syrupy, she thought when she caught herself sucking on the wound to get more of the taste before it closed. The depths of her stomach clenched again. She was so hungry, so, _so_, hungry. Why couldn't they understand that?

The smell understood. It called to her like the siren's song; wafting in the air to mix with all the other scents, so close but so far away.

"We didn't want this either." Stefan implored her brother to understand without releasing his hold on her arm.

"Haven't I lost enough?" Jeremy's voice took on an eerily calm chill as he gave both brothers death glares. "Now you have to take my sister away from me too?"

"_Hey_," Damon barked in defense of his brother when Stefan's chin fell guiltily. "It's not like we planned this. Fell gave her some of my blood when she was at the hospital, and then…" He didn't shamefully look away like Stefan did when Elena turned her shocked eyes on him for the truth. "We didn't know." He wasn't talking to Jeremy anymore. "I'm sorry." _Because I love you._

No, she shook her head in denial. It couldn't be true. She wasn't a vampire. There was no blood at hospital. It wasn't Damon. She couldn't be a dead… _monster_. The word came out of nowhere to brand her with its harshness. She didn't want to be a monster. Was that how she really thought of them? Since meeting the Salvatores she had encountered more than anyone's fair share of evil vampires, her own ancestors Katherine and Isobel being among them, but Stefan and Damon were different weren't they?

Even they killed though. The innocent and guilty alike without mercy; sweet, peace-loving Stefan being several times more brutal than devious Damon whom often enjoyed playing with his food. So was she afraid of becoming an evil monster like the women that had gone before her? Or of becoming the kind of beast that could lurk in the woods around Mystic Falls overlooked because of a few good intentions?

Her fangs slowly retracted back behind her gum line and the swollen veins beneath her eyes faded away as the monster within receded. It itched a little. But neither that nor the hunger twisting around inside of her mattered when Jeremy stepped back into the house past the threshold of supernatural protection.

He lingered there with his hand on the door, wanting to block out all of his problems for the night, but not yet willing to shut out his sister. "I'm sorry, Elena," he spoke without really addressing her or looking directly back at her. "I just… I just can't deal with this right now. I think I need some time."

Stefan nodded congenially, understanding the boy's plight even while the fingers of the hand he held tightened their already crushing grasp. Damon too, slipped a comforting hand into her free one when he felt her flinch at the inadvertently cruel rejection. Their fingers intertwined and locked together as easily as if they had always been that way.

"We'll take her to our place tonight." Jeremy hesitated again, the door bouncing slightly against his side where he held it for support, not knowing what to say and feeling badly for it. "We'll take care of her," he solemnly promised. Stefan always knew just what to say somehow.

Her brother gave him a nod of thanks before giving her a grief-stricken look of apology. "Goodnight Elena." The door swung to a close in all of their faces, the latch gently clicking into place once shut. Before she consciously registered what she had done, Elena had ripped her hand free from Stefan's and rushed to the door. The sensation of smacking into the invisible boundary line that barred her entry into her own home without an invitation was stunning. She almost felt like she had been physically slapped with a concrete wall and her hand helplessly pawed at it for everything that was familiar. The sound of locks being turned on the other side was insult to injury.

None of them openly acknowledged that she had kept Damon's hand in her own after letting go of Stefan's. It was something that she had done without thinking and shouldn't have mattered. But it did. The tension in Stefan's shoulders grew that much more, and the scathing words that Damon normally would have said to gloat died on his lips – _because_ it meant something to him.

The brothers shared a look of silent debate for a moment, speaking to one another without a word about who would take her as their charge for the last leg of the journey home. Stefan glanced away from her to the street as a means of giving his consent. After all, he was all about letting Elena make her own choices as of late, and he wasn't going to deny her what she had really chosen when she needed it most. Damon scooped her up into his arms without a word, and Elena didn't protest. She was already too numb to put up a fight for her dignity; so instead she did as she had done with Stefan and let her head fall to his chest, blocking her view of the world. She didn't want to think about the temptations out there after what she had nearly done to her own brother. She couldn't be trusted.

The world went by in a blur and didn't stop until the group paused within the familiar halls of the Salvatore house, midway between the brothers' rooms. Again, Damon and Stefan paused to take stock of one another's position on the subject of where Elena would be going. They wordlessly agreed that that was a choice which could wait until later when she was able to decide for herself where she really wanted to be, and they chose to deposit her in the first guest room placed between them.

Stefan opened the door, flicked on a lamp that sat on the nightstand beside the bed, and pulled the covers down so that Damon could lay her down on the pillow-like feather mattress. In itself the bed was wonderfully fluffy and extraordinarily comfortable, but it smelled slightly musty from disuse, not like either of the brothers. It wasn't home.

They worked in perfect tandem with one another; a rhythm that could only be achieved after a century-and-a-half of experience, zipping back and forth to settle her in for the night. There was a framed picture of her and Jeremy that must have come from Stefan's room placed on the nightstand as well as a glass of water. An extra blanket to help with the chills of transition was brought to the foot of her bed, and Damon came sauntering back with one of his personally favorite books from his own collection. She could smell him in the weathered, crinkled pages. He had read it so many times.

Once the brothers were satisfied that they had made the room to be somewhat homey for her, they each took an end of the bed to sit down on; the ancient frame creaking a touch under their weight. "It's only for a few nights," Stefan promised her. "Jeremy, he just needs a little time. He'll get used to the idea, and then you'll be able to go back home. Everything can go back to normal."

"Or whatever impending doom serves as normal around here," Damon snarked back, doing his "eye thing" that he knew bugged her so much and flashing a broody smile that didn't touch his eyes at all.

"Right now you should try to get some sleep. It's important that you try to keep as normal of a cycle as possible. Active by day, sleeping at night." Stefan tugged the blankets up to her chin and she got the feeling that they were tucking her in as parents would a child. Maybe she was sort of like their child in a way. A baby vampire that they both felt responsibility for; sired by Damon's blood without his knowledge, and allowed to die by Stefan's hand even though she had demanded he save Matt in her place. Neither was to blame for what had happened, but they still felt the guilt for it because they knew how she really felt about what she had never wanted. And now they were more determined than ever to be her keepers.

She wasn't sure that she would ever be able to sleep again. She had drank three Red Bull energy drinks in one day during school finals once and not even that much caffeine had been able to make her feel as wired as she was in that moment. Her every compulsion was to be up and about, and outside. The cool night air begged her to join it, to heed the call of the wild and roam the Virginian woods unhindered, seeking, hunting, preying.

Perhaps that was why Stefan took the first watch. They didn't want her sneaking about in the darkness without supervision. They wouldn't let her repeat Caroline's mistakes, or get trapped outside under the rising sun. Damon paused in the doorway to glance back and make sure that she would be alright with the arrangement. Elena rolled over with her pillow in answer, waiting for the click of the door when he left. The last thing that she saw before she closed her eyes was Stefan hunched over on the window seat, bathed in pale moonlight like a fallen angel gazing at the stars beyond which weighed so heavily on his shoulders.

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I need it." _Because I love you_. Damon haunted her dreams, snaring behind her fluttering eyelids and swimming through her veins like a pestilence that wouldn't end. "I promise I will _never_ leave you again." _Because I love you_. "This is the way to a vampire's heart," he had whispered in her ear with his body so seductively close to hers. _Because I love you_.

Elena could recall each and every second with him with an inhuman clarity that drove her heart into a frenzy, every encounter, every conversation, every tortured touch, every rescue, every hopeful gaze, every comforting or protective shielding of his arms, every press of their lips. Every inch of her was saturated with Damon to the most remote corners of her mind's darkened recesses. He was a self-righteous pain in the ass and her hero in the same right, and he had dug himself so far under her skin that she would never really be able to get rid of him. And she knew that he would never leave her. Not really. Not even when she wanted him to. No matter how many times she pushed him away and screamed that it would always be Stefan. No matter how many times she broke his heart and made him wish that he could run away to hide and lick his wounds. Damon would always be the shadow in her step, the wind at her back that stubbornly challenged her to keep fighting, the watcher that kept a weather eye out for the enemies at her flanks, the keeper of her secrets, and the safety net that would catch her when she fell, brushed the dirt off and shoved her back to her feet again. Because he loved her.

Damon was better for what he had of her as well, regardless of how loudly he stomped his feet in a temper tantrum and protested that it wasn't so. Only for her, he lowered his infuriating walls and shed his armor to expose how much he really cared when his words said otherwise. In return, he changed her too. He always pushed her to be better, faster, and stronger. He challenged her to find her true self in ways that Stefan never could. He never let her take the easy road or give up when life got hard. Damon had the power to drive her completely insane just by entering a room, but he could also make her laugh when it all felt hopeless, and bring her back down to the earth again. He just… _consumed_ her; all of her, burning like a wildfire until there was nothing left in his wake. Because he loved her.

**To be continued…**


	2. You Were in the Darkness Too

**2**

**You Were in the Darkness Too**

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What little sleep came to her was fitful. She woke intermittently throughout the night from her haunting dreams to the sounds of Damon crashing around the house downstairs. She could hear glasses, likely filled with some aged liquor, shattering against the walls, furniture scraping and squealing over the floorboards, papers flying, and wood splintering. And a few sparse sniffles and suppressed heaves from a body that didn't want to admit it was crying out in pain. For all the agony occurring below them, Stefan remained seated with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, biting his bottom lip. At one time though, his place had been empty and his body absent. An argument was breaking out then. Their snarling words were so abrasive, assaulting one another that she tried to muffle the sounds by pulling her pillow over her head until they faded.

Rays of light from the dawning sun were beginning to peek through the curtains when she opened her eyes again, her every sense wide awake and bristling as they had been all night long. Her stomach in particular refused to leave her alone. Damon chuckled without humor at the sound of her body's complaints. He had replaced Stefan at some point in keeping watch over her, having taken pride of place at the window.

"Stefan's out hunting bunnies," he noted with an edge of mockery. "Maybe if you're lucky, he'll bring home Bambi for breakfast." The thought was oddly appalling and attractive at the same time. She was so damn hungry she may have been willing to eat just about anything by that point.

"Stefan never compelled me. But you did." The words were blurted out from nowhere to hang in the thick air of tension without premeditation.

"I did." There was no point in denying the actions or what he had said she should forget. Damon raised his half empty glass to his lips and drained the last of it so that the ice clinked together in the bottom. The warm flush in his cheeks spoke volumes about how he had been up all night drinking. She wondered if Stefan realized how drunk his brother had been when he left him there with her to go hunt. Or maybe he just didn't have any other choice. "Bonnie should be here later. We put in another order for a magic daylight ring." He wiggled his ring bearing finger at her suggestively.

"And it was your blood that made me this way." She wasn't going to let him change the subject so easily.

"Yes," he admitted edgily.

"I don't –"

"I know." His voice cracked, barely above a whisper. "I know you didn't want this." His eyes claimed hers, the storm clouds roiling over his head, defeating. "When your brother took you to the hospital, the Doc said that it was a cerebral –" his hand waved around nonsensically to search for the forgotten medical term that had been used. Yup, he was definitely drunk. "Bleeding on the brain from when you fell. She had some of my blood, and gave it to you to keep you alive. We didn't know. None of us knew." He dragged his feet over to sit on the edge of the bed beside her, absentmindedly attempting to take a pull from his already empty glass.

"I'm not going to say that I'm sorry again. _Nope_." Damon gave his glass a morose pout. He couldn't use it as a distraction for how he really felt anymore.

"Ric was kicking my ass. I think he was enjoying it too." He laughed quietly under his breath before the grim frown returned. "But I wasn't ready to die without seeing you again. One more time." His hand found hers across the bedspread, twining their fingers together. He swallowed thickly before continuing. "And then when he died in my arms…" His eyes snapped back from the floor to meet her inquiring ones. "I can't lose you, Elena. I'm not sorry about that." Absolutely unapologetic. Because he loved her.

"I was just going to say that I don't want to leave Jeremy all alone right now."

"Right. Jeremy." He removed his hand from hers and gave a sardonic kind of smile that resembled more a strained smirk to nothing in particular before storming out of the room. She could hear a few sarcastic mutterings under his breath downstairs and then the slam of the front door.

Her line of sight had followed him out of the room which then left her staring at the new portraits resting on her nightstand in his absence. More pictures had appeared in the middle of the night, one of her parents and Jeremy, one of Jenna and Alaric, Caroline and Bonnie and Matt, all neatly arranged so that she could easily see their smiling faces. Stuffed animals and her favorite teddy bear brought the familiar smell of home to the room, her clothes were carefully hung in the closet, and a flowery bag of her toiletries was stuck in the corner. Her worn, baggy sweats with the holes in the knees and her fluffy house slippers sat on the edge of the bed. Damon had obviously been to her house at some point and thought to bring all the creature comforts that she could want or need aside from actually being at home. This meant that he had also been checking on her brother, possibly contending with him over the contents of her underwear drawer. She knew he would have loved that. _"I'm mad at you because I love you."_

They were trying so hard to make the best of a bad situation. They really were. Because they loved her. Suddenly the silence was deafening.

Elena grabbed a set of clothes from the closet with hints of Damon on them, threw the shoulder strap of her toiletry bag over her shoulder, and shuffled off to take a shower. The water was scalding hot, as hot as she could make it which was enough to burn, and she took her time standing beneath the gyrating stream of the massaging head. Over and over again she watched the water flow over her skin causing angry red patches that would immediately heal and return to their rightful tanned tone. It was a little like her relationships with the Salvatore brothers. There was a pattern of scorching pain that would fade only to return and disappear again as predictably as it was constant.

The sad thing was how much she had come to need that cycle; the fiery, desperate bursts of passion that reminded her how alive she was in between the periods of relative calm. When it was pleasant, she missed the danger and excitement. When it was life or death, she wanted peace and normalcy. There was probably never going to be much of a happy medium; only one extreme or the other. Very much like Stefan and Damon. Where Stefan was the rock that held her together, Damon was the chaos that made it alright for her to fall apart. He was the cleansing forest fire that gave birth to new life, better than it had been before. And she was the winding river of cool waters that could shape them both.

She wiped away the rivulets of steam that clung to the mirrors and walls out of courtesy, suddenly noticing how overwhelming her strawberry shampoo and body wash could be to the olfactory senses. At some point she had started to recall standing in front of that same mirror in what seemed like another lifetime, bickering with whom else but Damon over how to properly make woflsbane grenades. He had told her to remember that only one of them would heal quickly should anything go wrong. That wasn't the situation so much anymore. She leaned in to the mirror to stare at herself; analyzing her every feature for anything that had changed or was different in the slightest degree, probing around her eyes and baring her teeth. But there wasn't really anything that she could find to indicate that she was anything other than normal old human Elena. It felt irrationally unfair somehow.

Heading downstairs, she navigated her way around the house, wandering at random through the maze of rooms in a search for Damon until she had ended up in the massive kitchen. Caroline spooked her senseless when she appeared from nowhere with Stefan following close behind.

"Sorry," her bubbly friend spoke in a rush as she shoveled part of a cinnamon roll into her mouth with a sunny smile. "Didn't mean to scare you." They had been so quiet she hadn't known that they were there. A brief thought crossed her mind that maybe Damon was as loud as he was on purpose, alerting her to his presence so that she could avoid such surprises.

"There's coffee," Stefan pointed to a fresh pot that was still dripping.

"The caffeine is great for you." Caroline's head bobbed happily as she offered her pearls of sage wisdom. She had clearly already been informed about what had happened. Elena easily imagined her volunteering to be the new vampire welcoming committee. She didn't mind so much. The company was more than welcome if it could distract her worrisome mind, if only for a short time.

Stefan chuckled at his well-practiced protégé's enthusiasm. "It helps keep your blood warm so that you don't feel so cold to others. A little trick that we've learned to help blend in." He could have passed for an educational instructor as he handed her a steaming hot cup.

"And be prepared to eat, like, _all_ the time to help curb the cravings. Speaking of, you have _got_ to try one of these cinnamon rolls. For a guy that doesn't really need to eat, Stefan is an _amazing_ cook." Caroline popped the last bite of her roll into her mouth with an exaggerated amount of pleasure. The coffee was one thing, but Elena found herself politely snubbing the solid foods. Everything smelled fantastic and she knew that it tasted just as good, but the thought of actually putting it in her mouth to eat made her already uncomfortable stomach do unpleasant things.

"You tend to learn a few things over the centuries." His humble smile for the compliment on his culinary prowess quickly faded when they were all heavily reminded of what exactly lay ahead for them. Tension once again hung thick in the air.

"You guys don't have to walk on egg shells around me, you know," Elena spoke up to break the silence that was settling in. "What happened…" She shook her head, trying to find the right words to say, tapping her fingernails on the ceramic side of the cup. "What happened, happened. It's over, and it wasn't anybody's fault. I'm going to be okay." She felt like she was really trying to convince herself more than them. "I just hope that Jeremy is going to be alright. He's already lost so much." First their parents, then Jenna, Anna and so many of their friends, Ric, and now… Elena had to be okay for him. She couldn't leave him completely alone.

"That is _so_ Elena," Caroline said with an awkward quirk of her lips that she guessed was meant as a smile.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You're going to be some kind of freakishly well-adjusted worrywart vampire with a martyr streak."

"I think what Caroline _means_ to say," Stefan waved the flag of truce between the girls before Elena could give her rebuttal, "is that we all carry over some of our strongest human traits, and they tend to be intensified. When I was a human, I cared a lot about how others thought and felt."

"And now as a vampire, he's Mr. Broody Charisma," Caroline asserted. "I was an insecure, neurotic, control freak, and now I'm basically just like that. But on crack."

Elena smiled into the mouth of her coffee cup at her friend's easy candor. "And _you_," Stefan leaned towards her over the counter separating them to place his hand on the top of hers, "were very protective of your family. You had a pure heart that always wanted to do what was right for the people you loved." His hand moved from hers slowly, the tips of their fingers lingering together before he moved away at vampire speed to pick up of a bowl of something that smelled like more baking batter to stir with a giant whisk. Yes, Stefan always knew just what to say to make her feel better. He was also apparently less shy about moving quickly around the house since she could actually keep up with up him then.

"So what was Damon like?" Just like that, the mention of his name sucked all of the new light air from the room.

Stefan paused in his motions to peer at her over the top of the bowl he held to mix, his eyebrows drawn tightly together over his dark eyes. "Damon didn't want to become a vampire. He wasn't going to make the transition." Guilt etched impossibly deep creases across his forehead as he recalled times long past. "He wanted to die, but I begged him not to because I couldn't let him go."

The whisk started moving again, slowly at first and then gaining speed until it was just a solid circular streak of metallic gray. "He was a lot like you though," Stefan sighed with the smallest of smiles. "Damon was always looking out for his little brother." A genuine grin cropped up at some partially forgotten memory. "And he was stubborn. Nobody could make him admit he was wrong when he was convinced that he was right about something. He used to drive our father insane." His smile faded a touch when his deep eyes roamed over the one that had snuck up on her lips without permission. "He had a good heart, and he loved with all of it."

Was that who she saw on the rare occasion when Damon put his sword and shield down? The human crusader that had sacrificed himself because his only crime was loving too much? Oddly enough, it seemed to fit the bill.

Caroline sniffed at the air for a split second before announcing, "Bonnie's here," with a grateful smile. She left the room in a blur of speed to answer the door, happy for the excuse to escape the blockade of emotions that was being built in the kitchen. Elena busied herself with studying her coffee while Stefan bustled about his business. For the first time she felt incredibly awkward about being alone in a room with him and had nothing to say. Something was happening to them, something that had been happening for a long time. She still loved him, suspected that she always would, but whatever glue it was that held them together was slowly eroding away and neither knew how to fix it or if they even should.

"I don't know if I want to complete the transition, Stefan." She wasn't sure if she had actually meant to voice her doubts aloud or not, but it was too late to claw them back out of existence.

"You will." He stated it so much like a fact, sliding a pan of batter into the oven.

"I'm serious, Stefan."

"I know. So am I." His gaze was unrelentingly confident and she wondered how he could be so sure about something that he had dreaded just as much as she had. He came back to the counter to hold her hand again and look her in the eyes. "You're going to do it for your brother. Because you love him, and you're not going to leave him all alone."

Just like Damon, she thought, but thankfully didn't say the words. "I probably don't even have a choice. Damon will just hold me down and pour blood down my throat whether I want it or not."

Stefan scrunched his eyebrows up in thought for a second before answering, "Probably," with a smile.

"Hey." Bonnie and Caroline came strolling back in at a casual speed leading Elena to believe some more that she was getting some kind of glimpse into the secret lives of vampires. They behaved so differently when they were alone together; maybe just relaxing as themselves, rather than the taxingly slow way they conducted their actions around a human.

Bonnie gave Elena a limp wave with the hand that wasn't holding her grimoire, but her eyes were on Stefan for permission to approach. His gaze flickered briefly to her and then back to Bonnie with a small nudge of his chin that she would be fine. Were they afraid that she would lose her control as an untested member of the undead? As her friend cautiously approached and the smell of her blood tumbled through the air like shockwaves to her senses, the steady beating of her heart deliciously humming away in her ears, she thought that maybe they had a right to be concerned. Stefan kept an eye on her though; a comfort that if she slipped he would not allow her to do anything she would have to feel remorse for later. Her stomach growled and contracted with the burning hunger, but she shut her eyes and swallowed the lethal impulses that primed her muscles to strike for survival.

"Choose wisely, you're going to be stuck with it for a while." There was a clatter of metal on the countertop in front of her that was startling with its raw clarity. Elena cracked an eye open to see a handful of jewelry options spread out before them. Rings of glinting silver and gold, some intricately decorated with colorful gems, some more plain with simplistic emblems. She recognized most of them from her own keepsake box but thought a few of the older ones had probably come from Bonnie's grandmother's collection. One in particular caught her eye. It was a relatively plain silver band with a dolphin figure set between two little diamonds, but it was her mother's and it had Damon all over it.

"Where did you get this?" she asked, holding up the relic from her childhood. There were so many good memories attached to the piece that had semi-permanently adorned her mother's finger. How many times had she stolen it as a kid? Not because it was especially pretty compared to the others, but because it was a symbol of her mother, meaning love and safety and the compassion of everything homey. It was something that she had been able to hold onto after her mother's death, and now after her own. Elena hadn't kept such a precious token with her other things, but stashed it secretly in a memento box that no one was supposed to know about beneath her bed. She hadn't even told Stefan of the trinket's existence.

"Damon brought it over this morning." There was more than a little disdain in Bonnie's voice. He had probably obnoxiously popped into her bedroom at the crack of dawn as he was wont to do. "Guy smells like a liquor store fell on him," she continued to grumble while Elena marveled some more at her bauble. Did Damon really know her that well? Or had he just spent a creepy amount of his excessively spare time snooping through her stuff? Was she annoyed by his invasion of her privacy? Or grateful for it?

A smile dared to appear on her lips when she kept vainly expecting some mystically dramatic thing to happen while Bonnie chanted Emily's incantation over the ring. She remembered how cheated Caroline had felt when there weren't any candles suddenly bursting into flames or mysterious winds blowing in a room where all the windows were closed. It felt funny now that it was her turn, but as ridiculous as the notion was, she had to agree that there should have been more pomp and circumstance to mark the occasion.

"It's done," Bonnie announced, handing over the ring for Elena to put on. She slid the band over her finger unsure of what to expect, almost disappointed when it didn't feel any more magical against her skin.

Stefan parted the curtains just enough for a shaft of sunlight to shoot across the room. She flinched away from it at first before curiosity got the best of her, and then she reached out to touch the sparkling motes that danced in the air like so much fairy dust. The light felt warmer than she thought it would be but her flesh didn't burn the way it would have without magical protection. "Welcome to the club," Caroline cheered.

Two dazzling streaks of blonde raced around the house as Stefan and Caroline flung open the curtains of every window there was, bathing the entire place in warm glittering light. She hadn't realized how everything had been shut up for her sake because the dim low light was enough for her new vampire eyes, but with the power of the flaming sun pouring down all around her the world seemed impossibly bright. No wonder the Salvatores had always appeared to be squinting slightly. Before, she had thought they just had a lot on their minds to think about and naturally brooding temperaments. What would the universe be like without such simple wonders to embrace?

Stefan leaned back against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest and a cool smile on his features as he watched her dance and twirl around, laughing with Caroline in the envelope of a new fascination. Bonnie laughed quietly with them. She didn't get to view the world quite the way they did, but she was happy to see her friends enjoying themselves in the face of tragedy and heartache. She used her power to ignite the roaring fire of the hearth and to set the crystals of the chandelier overhead tinkling like a solar powered disco ball that scattered the rays around the room, giving Elena a few precious minutes of guiltless fairy tale fun.

"I have something for you," Stefan told her, leaning in a little conspiratorially after the girls had all finished collapsing with giggles. She followed him down the narrow winding stairs to the basement where the vervain cellars were kept. "I know you've got to be starving," he started.

Elena watched him warily as the lid to the deep freeze was popped open with a squeak. Instantly the smell of Damon's blood stash reached out to violently slap her senses. Her stomach, oh, she had to hold a hand to her abdomen for support it hurt so badly. What Stefan carefully handed over to her though, was not one of the ludicrously appetizing transfusion bags labeled by blood type. What he gave her was a frosty glass jar that would have been used for canning preserves in another life, but was currently employed to house a not completely frozen volume of dark red blood. "It's not human," he assured her when she raised a pair of questioning eyes to his. She could tell that much by the scent of it. The blood in her hands didn't smell the same as what was in one of Damon's bags; it was more… earthy? No, that wasn't the word she was looking for. Gamey maybe? Loaded with green vegetation so she assumed that it had come from an herbivore of some sort.

"What is it?" she asked tentatively.

"It's probably better if you don't know." He gave her a grim smile. "It might be easier that way. At least until you get used to it." Stefan gestured to the aging wash basin with the wall tap. "I can show you how we heat it up if you want. It's a lot better warm." An attempt at vampire humor? She let him lapse into teacher mode. He was more comfortable that way when the open space between them felt so claustrophobic.

"Using hot water is the best way that we've found," he explained as he turned the tap to the left until steam plumed out from the water. "Microwaves don't really work very well. You can still eat it, but the blood cells burst and don't take long to digest. You'll just be hungry again in an hour." He gently dipped the jar under the faucet, turning it over and over so that the blood inside was heated uniformly. "You can try heating it up on a stove too, but I wouldn't advise that either." He shook his head with a sour expression on his mouth from some bad experience. "You can scrub a pot until your hands bleed but you'll never get all the food taste out of it. And the blood also picks up the metal taste from the pot itself. It's pretty terrible," he chuckled lightly. "Save yourself the pain that Damon and I went through for the first thirty years or so."

His smile disappeared again but she wasn't sure if it was because of his brother, or because it was time to serve her first real meal as a vampire. The glass was warm in her hands when he gave it to her; the blood inside sloshing around the sides like thin red syrup. Elena raised the glass to her lips hesitantly under Stefan's concerned eye, gave it a distasteful sniff, and then took a timid sip. And immediately gagged.

Oh God, it was a dietary torture of the cruel and unusual variety. Her stomach desperately demanded to be fed but it wasn't quite hard up enough to accept the bitter tang that she wished she could scrape from her tongue. "It's okay," he told her in his most soothing baritone, rubbing her back as she coughed the awful taste away. "It's okay. I remember what it was like at first. You'll get used to it."

What it was like? It was like a flat Diet Pepsi that had been allowed to sit on the dashboard of a moldy old car filled with cigar smoke under the hot summer sun for years after the expiration date. Disgusting did not begin to describe the horror of the experience. As for getting used to it, she wasn't so sure that she wanted to. Maybe she could ask him to get her a different kind of animal but finishing what was in the jar was not an option. She had no idea how he or Caroline could stand surviving off of that. Refusing to complete the transition and dying felt like a better alternative.

The front door to the boarding house slammed shut above their heads and Damon's thundering footsteps alerted them that he had returned home. Something heavy crashed onto the floor, shaking dust free from the rafters around them followed by a masculine cry of surprise and a metallic clattering. The man was a solo marching band wherever he went.

Feathers exploded from one of the pillows on the sofa to flutter all over the living area as she made it to the top of the stairs, Stefan following quickly behind to see what the fuss was about. "You keep talking but all I hear is blah, blah, _blah_," Damon snipped, making a chattering motion with his hand at someone that he had unceremoniously dumped onto the couch.

"You're a dick, Damon." Jeremy's head popped up from the depths of the cushions, bits of down fluff clinging to his dark hair as he glared at the terrorizing menace pouring himself another drink.

"She's your sister. She loves you. Get over it."

"Damon, come on, man. Give him a break." Matt piped up, stepping into view from where he had been standing with Tyler at the bar. A fresh cast decorated with squiggles of signatures and well wishes encased his arm and few cuts and bruises from their wreck marred his face. Despite the near death episode though, he seemed to be doing well. A line of stuffed duffle bags littered the staircase as if they were all planning to move into the Salvatore house, or at the very least stay a while.

Elena could smell a multitude of intermixing scents from all of them. Perfume, people, cigarette smoke, greasy foods and stale beer all came from Matt like he had been at the Grill. Fresh mud, decaying leaves, and spring water rolled off of Tyler whom had most likely been in the woods prior. And Jeremy had been camped out on their couch with his PlayStation, a leftover box of peperoni pizza, and dirty laundry without having taken a shower. Had Damon been all over town abducting her brother and friends to help cure her homesickness?

"Surprise." Damon tossed his hands up in the air with a curt smile. Echoes of "surprise" and "surprise, Elena" rippled through the room when they all turned to see her standing there dumbstruck.

"Surprise!" Caroline cheered, a little behind the times as she had been stuck in the kitchen with tape and balloons attached to her fingers. Streamers had been hung around the house with a rainbow parade of balloons. A giant banner was pinned above the fireplace proclaiming "Happy Death Day Elena!" in large bubble letters with mountains of glitter thrown at them. Caroline's work no doubt. Macabre. Slightly disturbing. But she still appreciated the gesture.

"Eyck." Damon made a throaty noise of disgust and pulled a face. "Is that cow's blood?" He sped over to where Stefan was still holding his precious jar and snatched it right from his hand to take a whiff. "Oh, did you really try to feed her this?" He looked at his brother in disbelief. "I'm very disappointed in you, Stefan. You shouldn't be encouraging bad habits." He turned his "eye thing" on her with full force. "Junk food is bad for you." Even Tyler was making a face at the thought behind him. Caroline too, she noticed, sticking her tongue out at the cow's blood.

"So there's cake, and ice cream, and pretty much everything," Caroline laughed as she steered everyone towards the buffet feast that had been put together for the party. Bonnie was putting the finishing touches on an icy tower of Jell-O shots when the boys lined up to stack their plates as high as they could reasonably balance. Damon had disappeared again while everyone was grabbing a seat at the formal dining table which had also been decked out with candles and pots of glittery bubble mess. Elena secretly suspected that this was the kind of party that Caroline wished someone had thrown for her when she was turned into a vampire, so she graciously accepted the favors to let her friend enjoy the festivities as much as everyone else.

Damon reappeared with a Bavarian beer stein in tow, styled with pewter dragon figurines and castles in the background. Anywhere else it would have stood out as a piece for conversation, but given the celebratory atmosphere no one gave it a second thought. He plopped it down on the table beside her and dropped a dark red silly straw into the top. She turned to ask what he was up to, but he just gave her a mysterious smile, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Trust me."

The first thing that she noticed was that it smelled like roasted heaven on a stick. After her last try at letting a Salvatore feed her, Elena was a little shy about the first sip and incredibly grateful for the privacy the stein provided. She was sure that everyone knew what was in it, but eating in front of people was awkward enough without everyone watching her take her first drink of human blood. Damon took a place next to his brother at the end of the table and started picking off some of the candied goods Stefan had stacked on his plate, shooting her a sly wink of encouragement. So she took the plunge.

Sugar and spice, and everything nice attacked her ravenous taste buds in an explosion of fragrant flavor. Not even that juicy double bacon cheeseburger that she had compared Jeremy to the night before could have hit the spot and satisfied so thoroughly as the warm, rich blood coursing down her throat did. A flush of blushing color graced the apples of her cheeks and she could feel the heat spreading throughout her body. She felt strong. She felt… alive.

The slurping sound of an empty stein seemed louder than it should have given all the conversation going on around her; except that there wasn't a whole lot of talking anymore. Her stomach having settled into a reasonable amount of contentment, Elena opened her eyes to see an entire table of people staring at her, paused in mid-bite and speech. Someone, anyone, _please_ tell her that she hadn't moaned out loud like she did her head. Please?

Jeremy, sitting beside her, had his head bowed down so that she couldn't see his face, but his neck was bright red with embarrassment. Matt, across the table, was sucking his bottom lip between his teeth to suppress a snicker. Bonnie, on the other side of him, had an eyebrow raised so high it threatened to disappear into her hairline. Tyler was smiling in the direction of his lap. Stefan swallowed thickly with large eyes. And Damon, Damon was staring off into space with a hand clamped over his mouth, biting down on his tongue so hard she knew that he had to be drawing blood. Ah, the burn of humiliation. Good to know that some things will always remain the same.

"I'll have some of what she's having," Caroline grinned flirtatiously, causing the entire crowd to erupt into bursts of uncontrollable laughter, snorts, giggles, and snickers that didn't completely die down until the gang began to disband hours later.

"Enjoy that," Damon called to her mischievously. "Because the rest of the O negative is _mine_. I don't share the good stuff with just anybody." She had expected Stefan to brood, glare, or at least give his brother a few dirty looks for giving her the blood. But even the saint of vampire piety relaxed enough to enjoy the afternoon.

"Thank you," she said, turning to her brother, "for coming. I know you didn't want to."

"Well, I'm not sure I had much of a choice." He chuckled quietly when Damon raised a glass to him with a "damn right". Jeremy's eyes darkened somberly though when he realized just how much his being there in her time of need had meant to her.

"Elena, I know I said that I needed some time, and I do. I don't get over stuff as fast as you do. But you're still my sister; I know that." He didn't even push her away when she wrapped her arms around him for a hug, or squirm and get all embarrassed when she told him that she loved him in front of everyone.

Tyler had started to make an "ah" sound to poke fun, but was immediately interrupted by a cry of pain. Jeremy laughed when he bent down to rub both of his shins meaning that he had received a kick under the table, not only from Caroline, but one from a quietly smirking Stefan as well. Matt blew on a noise maker and Damon clinked glasses with his sibling for a job well done.

"Thank you. All of you." Elena went around the table making earnest eye contact with every member present. "Last night I didn't know what I was going to do, but having all of you here now… You have no idea how much all of this means to me." Because I love you.

**To be continued…**


	3. So I Stayed in the Darkness With You

**3**

**So I Stayed in the Darkness with You**

* * *

When streaks of brilliant oranges and pinks raked across the sky with the coming of late afternoon twilight, the vampires and lone hybrid filtered out onto the back lawn. Bonnie had volunteered to help clean up the mess from the party, maybe just to avoid what may be seen, or being caught outside when the thrill of the hunt came over the pack of predators. Matt wasn't up for much physical exertion because of his injuries so Jeremy stayed behind to keep him company. Without their human friends, the young immortals were free to run, and play, and initiate their newest member to a world that still held its secrets and oldest magics in the dark.

"Come on," Caroline beckoned to her. "Run with us."

"Go ahead." Damon gave her a little nudge towards the tree line bordering the property. "Show us what you can do newbie."

"It'll be alright," Stefan promised her when she looked at him for permission. "We'll be with you."

A little thrill claimed her when she let herself go with the instincts guiding her senses. Nothing could go wrong when she had the support of those closest to her and the security of this fantastical extended family at her back. For so long she had had so many worries, so many concerns filling her up until she overflowed, but they faded away with the constraints of human motion. There was no Klaus looming over the horizon. No evil, corrupted vampire, murderous Alaric. No hybrids or originals on their tail. Jeremy was safe. No one was on a mission to kill her or steal her doppelganger blood. She was virtually indestructible and unable to be hurt so long as they were with her. They were free. She was free.

She passed the world by in what felt like slow motion. The ground slipped by under her feet so easily, little more than a blurry canvas of greens and browns. Wind whipped through her hair as she dodged, dipped, and ducked around the trees, racing to wherever her most primal instincts desired. Caroline fell back with a giggle when Tyler leapt out of nowhere to snare her around the waist. Damon was grinning deviously, running beside her with some wicked intention in mind until Stefan bull rushed him from the side. The brothers rolled off into the underbrush, cackling with laughter in a playfully wrestling heap. Elena doubted that they had really "played" with one another for the better part of two hundred years so the display encouraged her to let go all the more.

They hid and seeked, testing their tracking abilities, and called out to one another in Marcos and Polos. They watched a family of rabbits scurry from their burrows and deer and other wild game roam at peace with nature. They took flying leaps over the rocks to the branches of the trees hanging high above, climbing to the very tops, and laughed when the boys shamelessly impersonated Tarzan by swinging from one to another. And eventually, the stars came out to witness their antics as well.

Elena found herself alone in the darkness bowels of the woods, perched catlike on a branch and gazing up at the blanket of sparkling light that swarmed the sky with such impossible clarity. Meteors zipped by in wonderful flaming arcs, and the moon had never been so bright. Chirping nightlife and the sounds of far off voices filled her ears. The scents of the earth and trees and animals were inhaled with every breath. Life hadn't turned out anything at all like she had planned, and maybe it wasn't all perfect, but if only for a short time all was right with the world at that moment. She really was going to be alright.

"What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" Damon's smiling face hovered in front of hers upside down. "Do you come here often?" he joked as he twisted around to sit next to her from where he had been hanging.

"How did you find me?"

He tapped knowingly on a temple. "As it turns out, even vampire Elena is a little on the predictable side." The corner of his mouth turned up into a smile. "And I've been doing this for a while. I remember what it was like when I first turned." She watched him look up at the stars with the same childlike wonder that she had just been experiencing, mildly surprised at his easy admission of not being a complete know-it-all. Maybe he was still a little bit drunk. "You should have seen them back in 1864," he spoke softly, gesturing upwards to the sky. "They were even brighter back then. You could see a lot more of them without all of the light pollution."

It was hard for her to imagine anything more mesmerizing than what she was already seeing. "They make me feel so small." Her words were barely above a whisper but she knew that he had heard them perfectly.

"Wait until you're over a hundred and sixty years old," he chuckled. "Everything will make you feel small."

He had to be drunk still. Since when did Damon ever admit to being anything less than the God of the universe and master of all he surveyed? He had always held an enviable if not downright narcissistic level of confidence. He strutted everywhere he went like he was ten feet tall, stake proof, and owned the place. "Nothing makes _you_ feel small, Damon," she laughed.

"You do." _Because I love you._

Elena chose to ignore his deadpan honesty. "Thank you." He raised a curious brow at her. "For the blood earlier."

"Don't mention it," he shrugged her off. "Nobody really likes drinking _cow_. Bovine is only for the very desperate. Don't let Stefan convince you otherwise." He started to pick apart a leaf for a distraction. "You can have all the B positive you want, but I meant what I said about the O negative. That's mine. Unless you're willing to do favors." Back to the inappropriate humor and waggling eyebrows.

She had seen through him already though. The innuendos and jokes weren't going to work as a defense anymore. "And thank you for the party earlier."

"Don't blame me for that monstrosity," he chuckled. "The balloons and glitter were all Caroline's doing."

"But you were the one that brought everyone together. Even if your methods were a little… _misguided_."

"You have enough to worry about right now, Elena. You didn't need to constantly have that idiot brother of yours on the brain, or your little witchy friend, or blind children in Tibet, whatever," he trailed off with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. "They're all there for you to watch now so you can play mother hen with all your ducks," he made dotting motions with his torn leaf particles, "in a row."

"Do you have any idea how little sense that just made?"

Damon rolled his eyes at her before going back to picking at whatever could keep his hands occupied. "You need to have your human connections right now, Elena. They help anchor you to the world, and give you a reason to hang on to your humanity. You don't want to be all alone like me and Stefan were. Like Katherine and Klaus and Rebekah were. Spending eternity without a reason to give a damn… That'll do things to you. Things you don't want. Trust me, and don't be like us." He threw his little pile of torn leaf bits into the breeze to flutter away like confetti. His tactics for pretending that he didn't really care weren't working so well for him anyways.

"He's right, you know." Stefan lunged from the ground to appear on her other side with his arms folded tightly over his chest. "Having people that you care about around, it won't be easy, but it'll give you a reason to fight the cravings."

"And what my dear brother really means by 'fight the cravings' is learning to control _them_ instead of letting them control _you_."

"Damon, if we can teach her to live without having to feed off of humans, then we have an obligation to do so."

"Because it's worked out _so_ well for you, Stefan."

"Someone could get hurt –"

"Someone could get hurt if we _don't_ teach her how to control it. Look around you, Stefan. What are you going to do when Thumper the rabbit is all gone?" A harsh consequence of living unnaturally long lifespans was the potential to outlive their resources. Every year, the cities expanded and the woods gave up their ground just a little more. In another hundred years they could be facing a jungle made of concrete.

"How about we let _Elena_ decide what _Elena_ wants, and stop talking about her like she isn't here, okay?" Both Salvatores were frustrated with each other for their opposing viewpoints, but she had interrupted their argument before it could really heat up so the subject was allowed to fall.

Back at the house, the brothers decided that she was stable enough they didn't have to keep watch over her for a second night. Elena didn't feel any kind of overwhelming need to sneak out of the house in the wee hours of the morning to slaughter some poor unsuspecting stranger, or to prey on any one of their human houseguests. Damon had made sure that she got another blood bag in privacy in spite of the judgmental look that Stefan had leveled on him to help curb the hunger she felt. All. The. Time. But that kind of confidence didn't extend to her ability to stay asleep when she wished it would.

The digital display on the clock next to her bed read a time of three in the AM in glaring red numbers. And she was painfully wide awake.

Stefan had told her that the insomnia was a natural part of the vampire rhythm, the whole being out at night and hiding from daylight thing, but with time it could fade so long as she tried to stay somewhat normal. That wasn't going to happen that night though. She slid out of her bed and padded out into the hall, practicing the silent footsteps that the others seemed to use without thinking. After deciding that she was being about as sneaky as Elmer Fudd, she gave up and checked in on her brother.

Jeremy was fine; out cold. Not that she hadn't suspected as much. The story was the same with Matt in the room next door. Bonnie was curled up on the couch in front of the fire and someone had thoughtfully brought down a blanket for her. Caroline and Tyler, well, she didn't feel much of a need or want to look in on them. Only heaven knew what she might see and she didn't need any more reasons to seek therapy.

She was afraid for a second that she had woken Stefan up when his door creaked open, but he was already dead to the world at his desk. No pun intended. Elena could see that he had stayed up late as well and then fallen asleep over his journaling work. She crept over to take the pen from where it was still balanced between his fingers and replaced the cap so that it wouldn't dry out. She also picked up the worn journal intending to close it so that he wouldn't roll over and end up with ink on his face in the morning. Some of the words though, or names rather, written on the day's page captured her attention.

"_I've known that Elena has been falling for my brother, Damon, for some time now. She hasn't denied having feelings for him for months. And I know that he has been in love with her since the night that he met her, which unfortunately, was before me. Had it not been for his belief that Katherine were still in the vampire's tomb, I may not have had the chance to spend what time with her that I have._

_I told Elena the story today, about how Damon wasn't the one that wanted to become a vampire. It isn't easy to admit how selfish I have been with my brother, or how selfish that I have been with Elena. I like to think though, that if it hadn't been for my own self-serving choices in this life neither of them would have had such an unlikely opportunity to meet across centuries of difference. When she is with him, as much as it hurts, I feel like I can see my brother again. He is the Damon that I grew up with instead of the Damon that I grew apart from. Our father told us as children that everything happens for a reason. Maybe he was right._

_I love them both, and it is because I love them that I can no longer be so selfish. I don't deserve her, but my brother does."_

Stefan always knew exactly what to say. She thumbed a tear away from her eye before it could escape onto the page and closed his journal, replacing it on the end of the desk and clicking off his lamp before leaving the room. She meant to return to her own room. She really did. Her feet just didn't want to cooperate. They turned and took her down the wrong end of the hall to hesitate outside of Damon's door.

Lamp light shone dimly under the door exposing his hypocrisy about maintaining normal sleeping hours as well. Elena nudged the door open just a slice to peek in. There wasn't any acknowledgement of her presence on the other side, or movement to indicate that he was still awake so she pushed it all the way open.

Damon was reclined on his bedspread and pillows, his eyes closed, a book lying face down on his chest, and one hand drooping off the side of the bed to the floor. The sight brought a smile to her lips.

Her smile grew larger the farther she ventured into the elder Salvatore's territory. He accused his brother of being the packrat, but she didn't know anyone else that kept as many ancient novels on their bookshelves, many of them romantic or poetic in nature as funny as that was. He was guilty of keeping just as many photos as Stefan did too. Only his were tucked away into neatly categorized albums, safe from the damaging effects of sunlight and dust, rather than being in more openly visible frames. Everything was shining and pristine in his tastefully understated style. She almost laughed out loud at the thought of Damon being anal retentive with a Dustbuster. There were so many little inflections about him, of the man he really was beneath the surface, and of the man he had been as a human. They were all there for anyone willing to pay enough attention to see them.

Damon Salvatore was consumed by love and the very thought of it. Love was the prevailing theme in his literature, his music, and his domestic habits. Even his reluctantly heroic overtures. It was etched into his heart and soul as permanently as he was destined to be. Stefan and Katherine were proof of that. He would never completely let go of them, or her. They were forever, both literally and metaphorically it seemed.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's rude to stare?" Busted. Damon cracked open a very alert eye. He had been awake the entire time just waiting to see what she would do.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Me either with all the noise you were making. We have _got_ to work on your ninja skills, Vampira." There was something written in her eyes that made him put his book aside with a sigh. "Come on, I know what you need."

The back alley behind the Grill wasn't exactly what she had in mind, especially since she had recently become a hundred times more sensitive to the smell of the garbage rotting in the dumpster. "Trust me," he had said with his soulful blue eyes and his hands on her face in that way he knew she couldn't resist. So she waited, less than patiently in the shadows for him to return from wherever he had vanished to that time.

The smell was back. That illustrious, wonderful, hunger stirring scent which she had learned to identify as belonging to human blood. _Thump-thump_, _thump-thump_, the sound of a steadily beating heart approached. Damon rounded the corner back to where she was waiting with a drunk and half-delirious college coed tucked under his arm.

"Hey, where are we going? And who's that?"

"Ah, ah, no talking," Damon chided. "Elena, meet Amanda. Amanda this is my friend, Elena. We're all going to get along so well."

"My name is Amber," the drunken girl corrected with a hiccup.

"Shh. No talking." Damon pressed a finger to her lips for quiet, compelling his intended victim into silence.

He gently shoved his coed catch into her arms. "Damon, what am I supposed to do with _this_?" He gave her the most pointed glare he could muster as if the answer should have been the most obvious thing in the world. _Thump-thump_, _thump-thump_, _whoosh_, _whoosh_, she could hear the girl's blood pumping through her arteries, and her instincts began to paint a very clear picture of what was about to happen.

"Damon, I don't think I can do this." She shook her head no, but her eyes remained focused on the thumping rhythm of a heartbeat. She didn't want to feed on humans. She didn't want to hurt anybody. She didn't want to be a monster. But she was so, _so_ hungry.

"Trust me," he said. Squirming veins appeared to wriggle around in the hollows of his eyes, his fangs descending, and the blue of his irises flooding a hellish black hue. Damon kept his eyes locked on her instinctually fascinated ones all the while he tilted Amber's head to the side and sank his teeth into the flesh of her neck. _This is what you've become_, his eyes told her. _A parasite_. _Now you just have to master the art of symbiosis_.

_Thump-thump-whoosh_, _thump-thump-whoosh_, it wasn't the first time that she had seen Damon feed, even on a live person. She wouldn't have made it so long with Stefan if she weren't able to grow a tolerance towards the sight. But it was the first time that he had given her the come hither wave to join him. Elena wanted to tell him no, but he wasn't enjoying the prospect anymore more than she was. This was a purely instructional scenario. "Trust me, and don't be like us," he had told her earlier. They didn't want her to have to learn the hard way as they had been forced to do for themselves. And they didn't want her to repeat their mistakes. Everything that Stefan and Damon were doing for her, teaching her, was because they only wanted what was best for her. Because they loved her. _"I will always choose you."_

_Whoosh-whoosh-thump-whoosh-thump_, she swallowed hard when he guided her in, holding Amber's head still for her. There was no need to make it any messier than it had to be. Elena felt her fangs skim around for a second, feeling for where they needed to be, and finally dipping neatly into the holes that Damon had already punctured. His teeth must have been a bit larger than hers because the wound spurted blood into her mouth unexpectedly. She took a few trial and error sucking approaches that resulted in more sloppy spurts before figuring out a rhythm that worked with the girl's natural pulse.

Damon watched quietly, carefully overseeing her movements until she lost her focus on him. Elena became so enthralled with the blood, the crimson life that flowed into her so easily, that she had closed her eyes and taken another chomp. Her little mis-bite stirred the coed from Damon's hypnotic spell and she cried out in pain. In a flash, he was there to pull her back, separating her suction with a wet little _pop_.

He held her there so tightly that she couldn't move until the frenzy passed, never saying a word about the incident. She watched him prick his finger on the end of one of his own teeth and then smear the blood from the wound onto the holes in Amber's neck to help them heal. He compelled her to believe that she had fallen in with the wrong crowd at the wrong party, and that she was going to have a terrible headache when she woke, but everything was going to be alright if she learned not to drink so much. Elena wanted to call him out for being a hypocrite again, but she remembered that he was teacher for the moment and she supposed to do as taught and not as teacher did. He stuffed a few bucks in Amber's pocket for a cab and directed her back to the street where he had found her.

They had gotten what they needed and no one had had to be seriously injured in the process. Point proven. Lesson learned.

"It's never easy at first," he spoke while thumbing away excess blood that had dribbled down her chin. "For any of us. But you'll get better with practice." The stained thumb made its way into his mouth where it was sucked clean in a startlingly seductive way. "Even if you choose to hunt bunnies with Stefan and Caroline, this is something you should learn. One day it might be the difference between your life and one of theirs."

She was listening. But she was also distracted by the blood that had been left around the rim of his mouth. "The hunger you're feeling right now –" His words died on his lips as she reached out to tentatively swipe her own thumb over the corner of his mouth as he had done to her. "You won't always feel it." Damon's eyes followed that thumb right up until it disappeared into her mouth, highlighting that he was feeling a very different kind of hunger.

They raced back to the Salvatore house, exhilarated by the night, each shushing the other so that they could sneak back in about as effectively as drunken teens. Damon twirled her around at the threshold and then steered her out to the back law when he realized that Bonnie was still asleep on the couch by the fire. There was still an hour left before the sun would creep over the horizon heralding another day. It was an hour that belonged to them and them alone.

Their eyes followed the stars above as well as those that fell from the heavens in all of their twinkling glory. "I shouldn't have broke my promise," he mumbled next to her. "I shouldn't have left you like that." Elena was about to tell him that it wasn't his fault because he had no choice and that there wasn't anything he could have done. "But I'm not sorry."

No, he really wasn't. Damon had never wanted to turn her, but in his own way he was the more practical brother, and had always been prepared for the event. Every time that he had fed her his blood, he had been ready. He was willing to do what Stefan wasn't to make sure that she always came back to them. It was selfish and wrong. He knew that. But he couldn't let her go. Because he loved her.

Stefan always knew what to say. He was great with all the little things that made life worth living. And she loved him for that. Elena had meant it when she told Damon that whatever she felt for him, she would never unfall for Stefan. She just didn't expect how much her feelings for him would sneak in while her back was turned to sweep her off her feet.

Damon was all the little things, and the big things. He was the impossible things, and the larger than life things. He pushed, and he challenged. Sometimes he even made her hate him. But it was all for her, to make her stronger, to make her better. Because he loved her. Human or vampire, it didn't matter. Because he loved her. Martyr or monster, it didn't matter. Because he loved her.

Each soft palm captured a coarse side of his unshaven face so that she could press their lips together. Because he loved her.

It was mystery, and passion, and adventure. Their kiss was even a little dangerous. Because he loved her. "Thank you."

"For what?" His intense blue oceans of soul that he carried for eyes focused on her with all of their acuity, left just a little breathless by the pleasant surprise.

"For loving me." She kissed him again. And again. And again. Each and every taste of his lips was an attempt to answer why it had taken so long for her to open her eyes. To show him that she finally understood just how much he loved her, and to show every ounce of love and affection that he had craved for so long. And it was consuming. Because he loved her.

Because she loved him.

**The end.**


End file.
